New Mexico Congressman Tries to Make Spanish Illegal

by Brent Icecream



Ben Bryson, once of the Albuquerque-based think tank Americans for All of America (AAA) and now State Representative for New Mexico's newly established fourth congressional district submitted a bill that would outlaw the Spanish language in America. He said, "I, for one, and many other good Americans I have met and gotten to know in my district really find it a vile tongue that should not be spoken in our good land." The proposed action would mandate that Spanish not be spoken or written within American borders.

Historians across America see this as the gross ignorance of an elected official. As any fifth-grade history student knows, Florida was the first colony of the continental U.S., and as it was operated by Spaniards, they all spoke Spanish. Dr. Herbert Blafinx of Camden College posted a controversial YouTube protest video of himself in a mask of Ben Bryson spitting at and biting a copy of Don Quixote, then ripping the book to shreds while screaming at the camera.

Most representatives see the bill as a clear violation of the First Amendment, but since Bryson claims that Spanish impedes his personal liberty some might not consider it constitutionally protected speech. He actually seemed very optimistic for the outcome of the vote when the measure is sent to the House Floor in two months, he was albeit visibly intoxicated while granting our interview. "Yeah, I'm bettin' that the Hispanics will all clear out when this passes, too. Wait, this part's off the record, right?"