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Thursday, September 9, 2010

Dennis Quaid Goes Vegan

by Edwin Fool



In a statement released by Dennis Quaid's paternal cousin Thursday evening, the actor has been living a vegan lifestyle now for over a month and will "definitely stick with it." While most of Quaid's Hollywood friends are applauding this change, many of his fans are not satisfied. "I show The Rookie and have a beer with my kids all the time," says Budd Muleke of Valdosta, Georgia. "But now that I know Mr. Quaid is a vegetable-lovin' fairy I don't think his films are really appropriate for my family anymore." Quaid has yet to make any form of apology.


In fact, Mr. Quaid has been in seclusion within his Manhattan penthouse for the last few weeks, and his behavior has growbn increasingly unnerving. Neighbors claim to have seen various exotic animals, exercise equipment, and massive amounts of artificial flowers being delivered to Quaid's address. Among the deliveries were three white-fronted capuchin monkeys, several egrets, 72 Total Gym packages, and a blue-ringed octopus with its own 700-gallon tank. There have also been two recent incidents involving Quaid and the local fire department. The FDNY was dispatched to his residence three weeks ago to extinguish an out-of-control fire Quaid kindled in his bedroom, then again nine days later for the same reason. On that occasion, the fire was located in the kitchen.

According to Quaid's cousin, however, the actor is in good spirits and plans to start work on both the prequel and sequel to Pandorum this Fall. He also is in talks to co-fund a wildlife preserve in Croatia.

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